I love to help people. I would do a LOT for another person. I see the best in everyone..
today I was looking through old paper journals from a few years ago. I looked through pages of my high school/college relationship.. in it's final days. They were positive and it didn't bother me to read them. Then I started reading pages about a trip I took after my break up.. and I read the words about confiding in someone else.. trusting someone else.. I read all of the emotions.. all of the things that made me happy and joyful. I wasn't bothered. I decided to talk to this person and they requested I share some things. So, I did. I shared some of the most touching things.. which.. was everything, because everything is important to me. I shared, which was completely fine with me. Then something happened and now here I am.. it's been 30 minutes since this person went to bed and I'm still sad. I recounted all of those things to help them feel better.. or something. and nothing came of it. I'm so sad.
Sometimes it's not worth it to put yourself on the line like that in order to help someone. All of those words and thoughts are swarming through my mind and I'm going through all the emotions and stories again.
I was in the bathroom washing my face and I came up with a song to cheer myself up... about how that was in the past and it was beautiful in the past, but that is where it is. and I am in the present... the present is today.. and today I should not be sad about the past.
I sing to myself a lot.
Now I am going to go read some blogs of people going through life events that are actually sad and serious. Unlike my silly issue of reading old journal pages.
The other thing that doesn't help is listening to Adele. I think this is her cd "twenty-one" or something and all the songs are sad. lol. silly me..
I can't wait for that person to come into my life that I was meant to be with so I can shower them with love. and stop letting past love make me sad.
Everything happens in beauty and peace... everything happens as it should, when it should. this is just another test and another challenge that I will pass. love will come when it should.
Love,
Amanda
Hi again amanda! I failed to preserve my journals or diaires back in my younger years. Some of them got lost, some I think I intentionally threw away because of bad memories... And i actually regret it. You know we really share the same thoughts. I am also at this stage of my life where I am praying and hoping for the right one to come along. (tee hee and i am so chessy) my wish for both of us is to find the one and later write that great story of our lives. Hope you are having great weekend :)
ReplyDeleteyes! :) and then we will look back on these days and giggle remembering them. :) at least we can't throw away these journals, right? (though... I did have a blog on Windows Live and apparently they closed those blogs down... but I didn't know.. so all is lost :/)
DeleteI hope you're having a great day today!! (I think the weekend is over for you now, but I hope it was grand!)
I love going through old journals too. There's so much you can see about yourself 'back then' versus now. I love that you sing to yourself. I do too :)
ReplyDeleteBig hugs and lots of love,
K
yes! that's exactly it... re-reading all of that stuff is mind boggling! :)
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