Facing the facts

I woke up bright and early at 6:15am this morning, threw on my shoes and ran out the door to head to the driving center to get there by 6:30 so I could practice before anyone else decided to head over.  The center opens at 8:30 am and you are not allowed to practice once they open... so this was my last opportunity before my test at 1:30pm. My mom drove, because it had been snowing all morning and we weren't sure how the roads would be... they were actually fine. :) Clear as day.. we got to the driving center and there was snow on the ground and in the parallel parking spots, but I got into the car and started off to go around the first time.

My friend took me out parallel parking a few nights ago. It was nice because she actually gave me some great things to remember when parallel parking. It was difficult though, because it was night time... with no lighting, but I did well. and I slept on it. I love being able to sleep on something... so you can work over it in your mind at night. I think it's such a cool thing... I mean.. it's fascinating to me that we can do something one day and then at night our mind will work through how to better our techniques for that task.. and we work through it in our subconscious while we sleep... so then the next time we do that task, we are better at it... just because we slept on it!

Well, anyway.. so we went out this morning and because I had practiced a few different days.. and because I had these tips in my mind... I swung right into the first parallel parking spot and then I drove up to the second spot and swung right in again. I was so happy and my mom was finally seeing that I can actually do it. So we were very optimistic for my test. After you do the parallel parking you go out on the road for a few minutes... and that's easy enough! The parallel parking is the hard part.

Well.. I get ot the driving center... we watched two people pass their test before me and then we went inside... apparently we didn't have to go in, we just had to pull the car up to the start line and the guy would come out. Another car was before us.. so we went up after his car and sat there until that guy went. I was so nervous watching him, because I knew right away he was going to fail.. he didn't back in far enough while parallel parking. I felt bad.. and I had wished he would have passed... because I don't want to watch a failure before I go.. because then I get my mind into that mode... and I didn't want that.

Well.. I was right.. he failed and he went home. :/ poor kid. So the driver guy comes up to my car.. I do some paperwork and then he says "turn on the headlights" and he watches for a minute.. they don't turn on so he says "high beams" and I turn them on.. but our car was acting up electrically... so they wouldn't stay on. I thought he would fail me because of this... the headlights didn't come on at all.. and the high beams wouldn't work either. Well, then I did all the other lights and he got in.. and we proceeded to do the parallel parking. I remembered to use turn signals.. and then I started to worry, because I didn't want to hit the cones.. so I forgot a step of the "parallel parking" process, which means I was too far out of the "box" and in 1 short minute... I failed my test. I was so upset. I got out of the drivers seat... moved over so my mom would drive home.. I cried the whole way home. How could I have done it perfectly at 6:30am and then fail at 1:30pm?

I wasn't nervous... I was happy, feeling free... READY. and I failed. I watched TWO people pass... TWO! and then one fail.. and then I failed. I cried at home... I went straight to my room and jumped onto my bed.. and I was so sad. I was sad because I was being so hard on myself... calling myself a failure.. putting myself down.. being mean to myself.. it wasn't my fault. I tried my best, but today just wasn't my day. I got out of my sad moment and reschedule my test for a week and a half from now. I will go in that day and that day I will pass, because I will practice parallel parking more.. I will figure out the part that I am confused on and I will do it. I know it. :) and I hope it's the same instructor guy, because he was really nice.

So.. that's the story... I kept thinking back to a speaker that I listen to frequently.. and he always says "keep your emotions in check, don't let them interfere with your life because they will act as a barrier and hold you back" and he says things like that... not to cry and whine when you fall down.. but to get back up, because if you whine, you may miss an opportunity. I thought about all of this.. and that's when I decided to reschedule my test.

and by the way. My mom and I went out again later in the day to pick up some pizza (my mom thought it would cheer me up-- she's sweet) and the high beams were working... and the headlights were working... which means... that our car was having a fit when I was going for my test and that is why the lights wouldn't work. So, I am partly blaming the car for my trouble, because I am pretty sure it didn't want me to pass this time! and that's probably because it's not a super safe car and it was probably saving my life in some way, so... I'm thankful for such a crabby car... haha. :)

I have so many other things I want to blog about, but I am so tired.. and I'm hoping we will go somewhere in the AM before I have work, since I still have to be driven to work.... :/

I hope you've had a good day!!!

Loveeeeee,
Amanda