:)
Hello!
I will never forget something that happened in elementary school. I've always been very shy and reserved... a side line kind of person.. an observer.
When I was in elementary school I was in a support room for reading, english, and math because my skills weren't up there with the rest of the class. I went to a smaller classroom with a very sweet teacher and a few other students and we learned at a slower pace with a little more explaining.
I've always been closer to my teachers because I couldn't relate to students. and this was back when it would be ok for a teacher to be extra support to a student in their life.
My support teacher and I used to have this journal. I would write things in it that I was thinking about.. or that I was doing. If it was my birthday... if I went to dinner with my family. It was a way for me to work on my reading and writing skills in a different way.. and to make sure I was doing something for school at home. Then my teacher would respond to what I wrote and give me the journal back for me to write again.
I remember I used to get so nervous because I didn't always have something to write, so I would hand her the journal back and say "Ok, your turn" (or something to the effect) and run off before I felt the anxiety of not writing in the journal. My teacher told me then, that I could keep the journal until I had something to write and that whenever I did find something to write about, I could give it back to her.
I always feel a huge sense of anxiety when it comes to writing, journaling, blogging, talking, really... when it comes to anything in life. I put this huge amount of pressure on myself to always have something to say. This is especially difficult at work, when I am expected to talk to customers or co-workers and I have nothing to say. I feel like I should always have something to say, but I don't want to be negative and I don't want to seem TOO happy and positive (people always nag when you're too happy) and I just want to do the right thing so I freak out and panic. this is a daily thing.
Sometimes I feel like I have lost my voice. These are the times where I think I need some throat chakra work done, but due to my anxieties and fears I am not able to help myself.
Do you ever have huge modes of panic and anxiety over things where anxiety is unnecessary?
Love,
Amanda
Hi Amanda! I think we are really so alike in many ways. I was likewise a struggling student in my elementary days. I grew up in an all girls school by the way. Imagine being left behind and being belittled by those mean girls. You are luckier because you have a special teacher. To help me with my studies, my mom hired a home tutor and she was really instrumental in helping me cope with school. She also encouraged me to write my thoughts in a journal so that I could develop my writing skills. Though she doesn't read it, I know the approach was effective for me. I fell in love with writing and I felt certain happiness whenever I held on to that journal.
ReplyDeleteGrowing and having to reach out with people was also difficult for me. I am a silent and "mind your business" kid but I had no choice but to mingle even with those whom I don't like and who doesn't like me.
You know, even though I am an educator, deep inside I am actually a silent person. I don't blab and open my life to everyone. I still set boundaries and the most that I wanted was for people to respect that.
Wait, am I making a comment? this already appears as a blog post LOL
Sorry for relating too much. Hope you are feeling better now :)
You just summed me up in these two lines:
Delete"Growing and having to reach out with people was also difficult for me. I am a silent and "mind your business" kid...
...deep inside I am actually a silent person. I don't blab and open my life to everyone. I still set boundaries and the most that I wanted was for people to respect that."
:)