living in the "used to"

Everyday I catch myself thinking "I used to do this well" "I used to be this way" and I can't pry myself from that.  Do you ever have moments like that? I have tons of moments of overwhelming self-doubt and self "beat up" in my brain that I can't function at times.  I beat myself up so much and tear myself down that I can't focus on the tasks at hand.  I tried to remedy this by starting to think only in the present and only relating to the past or future when it was not a debilitating thought, but this hasn't helped too much.  I'm not sure what to do about it.  I feel as if the true me is trapped in this small bubble in my heart chakra.  It's a tiny little bubble that is shatterproof and "pop" proof. It still gets all of the feelings I have always had.. it still picks up on other people's emotions and gives me all the overwhelming effects that I used to have, but now there is no build up of those protective features that let me be who I am.  I was in such a safe haven in my life before I realized that people can crush you in seconds.  I'm crushed. in a little bubble in my heart chakra. I can feel it there, I know I'm there, but that is just a very small part of me.  What is the rest of me? I'm not sure. A blank abyss... of despair and unhappy feelings.. and thoughts. I've started to think maybe I should go to therapy.. maybe I should seek professional counseling... am I depressed? I have lost interest in everything I used to enjoy doing... it's all crowded by fear.  I have always shyed away from things due to fear... and now this fear is killing me inside. The fear that I'll say something "stupid" or I'll get yelled at for my actions.. or i'll get in trouble.  There are so many things at work to help me get out of this.. so many things all the time... I used to love helping people... no matter what. I used to love working and working with kids... and listening to people talk... I used to love a lot of things.. that I don't love anymore. I have major ups and downs everyday throughout the day. I will become SOOOOOOOOOOOO happy and then 10 minutes later I crash and become incredibly sad. I used to be able to think and alter my actions and control my mind, but now I have become a victim of my own work.  The one thing I used to help myself.. is now hurting me... What can I do about it? I don't know. I have tried so hard to bicycle myself out of this.. i've tried running out of it.. i've tried sneaking out of it. I've tried everything and just when I think I'm feeling better.. I fall to pieces again. I wish I could explain it. I don't know why I'm so sad all the time.. I just know that I am. Everyone says that social workers and psychologists are supposed to go to therapy, because they usually need help too... I just don't like the idea of going to therapy.  I had a bad experience before... and then I find myself having to talk to myself in my head to respond to the therapist the way they want me to... because if i don't follow their track, then it will be disaster. I am usually never thinking or moving the same way the therapist thinks.. I am so... intricate and I keep a lot of things to myself and I don't say things unless someone asks, so.. that leaves me as a mystery and not many people understand it.  I know the psychology behind everything... I have taken so many classes on it.. and I am a social worker.. I work with people on a daily basis to help them out.. so I'm constantly thinking about their mind and trying to understand them.  I just don't know what it is.. what to do... or anything of the sort. Then I think "I can't be depressed. that is silly talk.. i need to just get myself out of this and stop being so sad" and then i say "but i'm lonely... i don't have friends... i have no one to talk to... everyone leaves me" and then i get more upset. I can post the happiest blogs.. and the most enchanting blogs... but then post something that is mean and sad. It's not safe to be a social worker who is sad and has lost interest in helping.. that's my job. i'm not a licensed social worker or anything yet... right now i'm still in graduate school, but i have my bachelor in social work... and thus i am a social worker.. and as my counselor last year used to say "i'm a social worker at heart" i may have been, but i'm not anymore. no, i am... because like i said... i am in my heart.. but that's it. i used to know what to say to people.. I used to be able to give good advice and help people out.. but now i can't.