Feels like today

Well... it's Monday. I've decided that I don't like Mondays. I would rather have a class later in the day on mondays or a day at work where there aren't important meetings early in the am.  I have a group today, like the past two mondays, and I am just not excited for it.  I will be excited when I get there, but the periods leading up to it, I am always nervous.  I just want to make sure I help the kids understand things.. I want them to learn something, but most of the time it feels like they're just muted out.  I mean, a few of the kids in the classroom are deaf so they read sign language, but I don't know if they are getting the message.  All the other students seem to pay attention, but are they taking in what I'm saying? I don't know... how will I know? I feel so bad sometimes because I don't know if I am over reaching for them... am I making things too difficult? So I try to make them easier, but then, am I making them too easy? I don't know.  I feel like I run in circles a lot because I never know what to say.  What was I thinking trying to do this? I am not who I used to be... so this doesn't come as naturally to me as it would have before.  I hate things in life that ruin you. I hate that no matter how hard you try, you still get buried alive. I hate that my entries have been including "hate" and other negativity.

So, the Steelers lost the Superbowl... Pittsburgh has a bit of a solemn attitude towards it for the most part.. a lot of people know we played crappy, we weren't ourselves, and well, it's ok that we lost.. the green bay packers played a very good game. We threw the ball away three times in the last TWO minutes of the game.. any of those 3 throws we could have won, but we didn't.  When we won the last superbowl all of the schools were delayed 2 hours the next day and there was a parade downtown with the Steelers and all.. so this year the plan was "Pittsburgh Public Schools would be delayed 2 hours regardless of who won the game" and, so here I am at my school placement with barely any kids in the building because 3 other school districts had the same idea and our kids go to those schools.  So, I am supposed to be having a meeting right now, but my supervisor is no where to be found because she is running around trying to handle the delays and all.  Kids start coming in around 10 after the delay, so hopefully I will still have a full classroom for group today, if not... I hope I can still have it because I can't push this group back anymore.. and I definitely can't handle the nervousness of having group tomorrow instead of today.  I guess I could handle it, but I'd just rather get it over with.. maybe I'll go to the classroom and see what the teachers think about today.  We'll see.

Anyway, like I said, I'm happy for the packers. They played a good game last night and really showed their stuff... they're a great team and it was an exciting game to watch from their angle.  The Steelers worked hard, but it just wasn't meant to be... we weren't strong, some of our players were injured still... everyone just pushed themselves too hard and psyched out.. it was bad =/ but it's not an angry end.. it's a happy end, looking forward to a bright next season.