I had trouble sleeping last night for various reasons and I had to wake up early to wake my cousin up for school. Right now I'm in that stage of unfinished business, where I can't sleep because things are on my mind, but I need to sleep because I haven't. The little dogs are whining... I have them downstairs. Not sure what's going on there, but if I let them up while I sleep they may cause trouble?
Have you ever had a moment of great disappointment in your life? Where you make plans to do something and you are so excited to do it and everything is coming closer, but it all falls through at the last minute?
That just happened. My girlfriend is literally obsessed with this Japanese band "Nightmare."
They are making their US debut this month in Texas. I told her we were going to go, because she is OBSESSED! How could we not go? I thought I had everything figured out. I planned how much everything would cost and I budged to the T. But I didn't plan on getting incredibly sick and missing some work and it didn't occur to me that February is short so my pay will be less. So now money is tight. We went to that convention last month that we didn't really want to go to... and that cost us this trip. I spent so much money for that trip that now I have nothing left.
I don't mean to talk about money issues, but I'm just saying that because it's part of the story.
Anyway, so my girlfriend came to the realization yesterday that we may not be going. I think it devastated her. She was upset at work and when she came home she didn't even want to talk to me. I waited all day to talk and see if we could figure it out, but she just went to bed.
I'm so upset that I could do this to her, because this is her dream come true. Her "babies" in America... their debut concert... and she was supposed to be there... getting a picture with them and talking with them. It was a dream come true.
Japan is expensive... and who knows if we would ever be able to make the trip to see them in Japan. And, there is no sure sign that Nightmare will ever come back to America after this concert. It could be their only one for their lifetime. I'm disappointed in myself that I could get her hopes up so high and tell her it'll work out, but then let her down the week before.
We are supposed to be driving there next Wednesday. We barely have enough money for everything we planned... her parents are giving a hard time over it... and we are both stressing about other financial burdens separate from this concert.
Who knows, this may even break us up.
It's hard when you try to do so much for someone and then the one thing that mattered most... you can't pull through. It's something that they will never forget.
I know this because a couple years ago I was supposed to be in my friends wedding. We were very, very close. She lived in Minnesota, which is about 15 hours from where I live, by car. The wedding was going to be in December and I had just gotten my license a few months before so I was dreading the drive because what if there was snow? Well, I had to cancel a couple weeks before the wedding. Needless to say, I haven't talked to that friend since the day after the wedding. She told me she wouldn't change a thing about how it went. I knew that meant I was out of her life. We haven't talked since that day... and it's been about 2 years. I've tried several times to reach out, but there has been no response..
I have the worst luck with big plans revolving around people that are closest to me.
I emailed the convention with our little story to see if maybe they could send something out to her. I'm not sure that will happen... but I thought it was worth a try.
I know I'm not more upset than she is... but I am pretty upset about this. Just the idea that next week we may not be driving to Texas (22 hour drive) brings me to tears.
I was looking forward to seeing her smile so much when we were at the convention and getting to see her band and getting a picture with them... and framing it when we got home...
I guess it sounds silly, but it's the truth. I wish that she had friends or anyone who would help support her dream of going to Texas to see Nightmare, but no luck... Maybe even with her birthday coming up, people would give her some money to go.
It's a sad day here and it's been a sad night... I hope that your day is going better than mine so far.
Love,
me
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