Pretending

 I'm trying to act like everything (mostly) is ok, but I find myself everyday trying to convince myself that I'm happy and that I don't regret moving cross country.

The truth is that I regret it. I had to move for many reasons... my mental health being number 1, but again... things are not as I hoped they would be after my move and now I miss all the comforts of where I came from...

Having a job that pays the bills

Having friends (even if I never got to hang out with them)

Knowing all the best places to walk and explore safely

Not having to worry about where I'm living

I'm thinking if I make a list, then maybe I can work on tackling each of those areas here and work on my expectations. I know when I moved to California my life was a mess for at least the first year.

Here I have an apartment and I have a work from home job and I have my parents and I have my dog. Working from home is a little hard when you don't already have friends because there's no way to meet new people or make friends at work. I think this has been a bit of a struggle for me. How do I make friends? I think this is something else that I can work on. 

I enjoy hanging out with my mom, but I also feel a little lame for just hanging out with my mom all the time. In California I was definitely able to make friends in the first 6 months, but I do remember it was a bit awkward. I thought about getting a part time job and then I could meet more people and make more money, but it's a bit overwhelming. I think if I come up with a way to make friends I will start feeling better too. 

I'm working on getting my social work license so that I can work on the money side of things. I just have to get studying. 

I'm thankful for my apartment, dog, job, car, therapist, psychiatrist, groceries, coworkers, friends and my parents.