It's been a while

I should change my blog name to "it's been a while" because it's always a while in between posts.

So, I've been living in my girlfriend's families house since May 31st.  Everyday since then has been an endless roller coaster of ups and downs.

The jobs I came out here for failed. The things I hoped to attain... have become what seems to be unattainable.  My motivation has dropped lower than previously thought.

I remember when I moved... my goal was to go for a walk/run every morning to keep my spirits high.  Now-a-days it's hard to even get out of bed in the mornings.

I'm stressed. I'm at an all time low.  I've never been this low in my life. I've always been able to take care of myself and keep on top of things... but right now I am seeing things from a whole new level.

I've gone to so many job interviews that I've lost count.  I thought they were all promising, but one thing or another led them to be fails.  

This house is not the place I hoped to be, especially after 2 months.  I planned to be in my own place after a week or so of being here. I've seen apartments... lots of apartments, but I can't afford any of them.

I'm usually very good at getting myself out of these ruts, but every time I do something to make things better it ends up worse in the end. I'm sad. so very sad.

My girlfriend isn't very good at helping me feel any better. That makes it harder. We've tried to find her help for her issues, but everything has failed.

I just can't deal.

I need to remember that I am lucky and that I have a lot of things to be grateful for.  Living in this house though, is not one of them... but there are other things.

With so much sad it's just hard to remember that.

I'm going to write another blog post now... something happier... because I was just at a convention this weekend. So, let me write about that instead of endless blab about being sad.