Hello world!
I moved again. I am now living with some family members, which is great! I am around family again, which I love and have missed for the past year! I also have internet here, which is a great feature... since I've been absent from the internet for almost a year and a half!
How is the internet? Are things the same around here? Has it changed at all? What's new??
Right now I am looking for some new opportunities in my life. I am dating someone wonderful, who I've been dating for about 5.5 months... and I would like to get serious in my life, which means I need a new job. I'm still working two jobs... care giving and selling shoes. It's impossible to save, because... well.. I have a load of bills. Now that I am with my family it should be a lot easier on me, but a new job would help!
I work M-F every week as a caregiver over night. It's a good job, because all I have to do is stay awake all night to help out my clients and I get paid for it. In the beginning I thought it was great, because I get paid during hours that most people sleep, but now it is wearing on me. Working this job is especially tough because I still sell shoes during the day time. I only work 4 days a week at the shoe store, but it's hard to stay awake and motivated while I am on the job, because I am usually exhausted from the night before. Weekends are hard too, because staying awake all night M-F makes it hard for me to fall asleep on Sat and Sun nights, which explains why I am awake right now. When I find a new job it will take the place of both of my current jobs and will provide more monetarily per hour. I am going to love it!!
I am trying to make some plans with my partner for the coming year, so extra money would help me out a LOT! We are planning a trip to disney world, I am planning a trip to visit family, my partner and I are going to a few anime conventions... and much... MUCH more, so I need money!
I'm also having some internal struggles. I feel like I have lost that chipper, excitable, super happy part of myself that I used to see everyday. Honestly, I think it's gone away because I am not doing anything useful with my life right now. I see myself as... floating through life... I feel like I've plateaued and I am too young for that. The life I am living right now is NOT going to get me to the future that I want for myself. Since I feel so "meh" all the time it is hard for me to find the motivation to do things that will bring out my happy spirit. Honestly, I can barely remember what makes me happy. Isn't that terrible? I remember though, that when I am busy and challenged, then I am happy. I can remember walking through campus passing friends, while going to class or going to an RA meeting and feeling so fulfilled and accomplished and like I was making a difference in the world. I would have such a big smile on my face and the SLIGHTEST thing would make me giggle! The trees, the birds, a small gust of wind... every little thing. But now I find myself getting aggravated over EVERYTHING! People drive me nuts, smiling drives me nuts, happy people make me mad... why am I like this?? I always feel like if I am smiling I need to stop real fast before someone sees me. Why do I think this way? It's a terrible way to feel. I do remember being teased a lot because I was always so happy and cheerful. I think that's why I am so miserable now. It's sad to think I would let people's opinions get to me like that... especially when it was about being HAPPY! I am a happy person by nature... so what the hey! :/
I think I am going to look into volunteer opportunities when I find a new job! (Right now I have no time) and I'm going to look into going back to school... just for a class every semester or something... like "continuing education." I need some challenge in my life... I need deadlines and I need structure, because this isn't working for me anymore.
It's time for a new start! YAY! :) Gotta love it <3 p="">
and I love that I can still type super fast... I haven't used a computer in so long, I wasn't sure I could, but I just typed this long entry in... under 5 minutes.
Lots of love <3 p="">
- me
Amanda! The return of the comeback heehee Glad to know you are fine and alive haha
ReplyDeleteI read your struggle and can I just say that we are somehow in the same boat. We are facing our own grownup struggle. I can understand your loss of enthusiasm about life. I feel the same ... The energy and optimism I used to have with me is gone before I knew it. Before, I used to get excited for work. Ask me now, I'm the statistical leader for tardiness at the workplace. If only my boss is not understanding, I am already fired and pathetically unemployed today.
I admire you for juggling two jobs. You are almost awake 24/7! As for caregiving, i have high respect for people employed in this field. I always believe that only people who have the heart can fully embrace this job. Definitely, you have one and that is something to be proud.
Wish I could hear from you here more often. It may sound weird but I always see you as one of my silent and trusted friends here in the blogosphere.
I hope that work is getting better for you.. I know that my motivation for my job still hasn't come back, but I hope yours has!
Deleteand don't worry, it's not weird! I think the same of you :) I'm going to try to keep posting more often. I'm just glad that you are always posting because I often think, what if one day I come back and there are no more new posts on your blog? That would be a sad day.
I will be posting more often, hopefully. :)
- Amanda