Once upon a time

Once upon a time I used to blog.

I used to blog so much that I maintained several at one time. I always had so many thoughts to get out that I couldn't fit it all in one place.

I haven't had a laptop for years. I just haven't felt the need to have one. Now I have one again. Also, now I am lonely... so, maybe I will just throw up a blog. It may be set to private or I may never post it officially... but it's a thought since i'm feeling so alone.

I feel alone today, yesterday, last week... pretty much everyday.

Today I left work early because I'm sick.

I have no family around so I have no one to help me. This sounds silly, but I am very hungry and I can't stand long enough to make food, let alone drive to get any. All I want is some Olive Garden soup, but I can't find a food delivery service that goes to Olive Garden. I just had  soft pretzel. It was my last one... hope that holds me over for a while.

I've been talking to this guy. Not for very long... but long enough to realize that I should probably stop talking to him. There have been several times where I thought he was trying to ask me out, only to realize that he's talking about going to do things with his friends. I mean, having friends is great. I just don't understand why you haven't asked me on a date yet. I much rather go out with someone after a few days or a week of chatting to see if we hit it off rather than have small talk and then go out in a month for the first time. This just doesn't work for me. Does this work for anyone? I mean, what's the point in putting off meeting someone... unless they aren't real? I mean, maybe he's not real. I guess that's always an option. Would be so weird if I somehow am interacting with a dating app "bot" though.

Anyway, he wants to chat when I'm at work, which I don't enjoy. Then after work he wants to play video games and just chat with me the next day at work. Also, I asked him "would you say you have a large group of friends or a few very close friends?" He says that he just knows a lot of people but doesn't have close friends. Well... that doesn't make too much sense when you say you are always out with your friends. I think of myself as having a few very close friends and I don't even see my friends a ton. Especially not if I am trying to go on a first date.

You may think I'm overreacting... and maybe I am, on some parts. To be honest I was thinking maybe he's not interested... but every morning he sends me "good morning!" and every night he says "sweet dreams, good night." He says "I hope you don't move out of state" because he wants to date me... and he says "would you date someone like me?" So... unless he's leading me on with these questions... then I don't really understand.

I am not about sitting around and waiting. I even threw a bone "Are you traveling this weekend or next?" He responded "next weekend. This weekend I'm out of town on Sunday only." Ok, lovely. - that's what I thought... because I thought that meant we might go on our first date this weekend. He even asked "What are your weekend plans?" I said "oh, I don't have too much planned, just going to run some errands." I thought this was the perfect lead in... well apparently it wasn't.

And tonight he's having lunch with a friend. On Friday night. Seriously?

I have asked a couple of friends that I know I can really rely on for a good opinion in the "am i overreacting" department.

1 friend told me to ask him out. Well, I don't want to do that... but I did do that little "lead-in" and it didn't work, so there goes that.

Same friend also said that if he likes to travel to go to gaming tournaments and I'm not really about that life, then maybe this isn't the best match up and maybe I should just let it go.

-- valid point because this was what I was thinking... but I didn't want to write him off too quickly. He seems like that "good guy" everyone is always looking for.

My 2nd friend told me to just go with the flow and let him ask me out when he's ready. and she says "yes, you're overreacting." I appreciate the solid feedback. My favorite mug says "Wait, let me overthink this" So, overreacting comes with the territory. Especially because I am a "go, go, go" kind of person.

Anyway, now that I told her that he is yet again going to dinner or something with a friend she has said "give it 1 more week and if you aren't feeling it, then let it go."

I'm on board with this advice. It's solid. It take some of the stress off of how I'm feeling.

Yes, I stress about silly things. I stress about most things.

You know, I really have missed this. Blogging always made me feel so much better. When you're alone and literally have no one to talk to it really, really takes a toll on you. It feels so good to get things out and I feel like I'm talking to "an old friend."

Thanks for being there blog. <3 p="">