Lone Wolf

I like to be alone. I have thrived on alone time my entire life. I am a social introvert. I can be social at work because I need to be and I can also attend events with a lot of people with a friend, but my recovery time is substantially longer than the amount of time i socialized for. I recharge by doing things for myself. I like to do face masks, listen to music, write and most importantly sit in the dark alone with my dog.

It may sound crazy to some people but I become so overstimulated by my surroundings especially after a very "people intensive" day that sitting in the quiet dark is the only thing that helps me center myself and recharge for the next day. Sometimes I even spend an entire weekend in the quiet. I do enjoy going outside for walks but I most often enjoy this when the sun is not so high and bright and when I know people will not be outside.

I'm not antisocial by any means. I do love people. But people also drain me. It comes with being an empath and a highly sensitive person. I am incredibly affected by my surroundings and by others.

For example I have a friend at work who told me some really sad stuff that he's going through. I was supportive and listened and was there. I left that conversation thinking "what else can i do to be supportive" "what else might be helpful in this situation" "i wonder if he has other people who will listen and be there for him." Literally all of these thoughts. This is normal for me. I think it's normal for a lot of people that are empaths or just caring individuals. I had to go home and sit in the quiet to process the situation, ground myself and know that I did what I needed to do in that moment and thinking about it after that moment only shows that I am carrying things that are not my own. I can be supportive in the moment but I should not carry this with me through my day. It effected (affected?) me so much that I could not focus for an hour at work after the conversation. I was just thinking of ways to help.

I think I did help though. All it takes is listening and letting someone know that you're there for them. Anyway, you can see I'm still obsessing over it.

Anyway. the point of this post was to say that even though I need to be alone to recharge, I definitely don't enjoy being alone all the time. Right now in my life, location and everything I am alone every weekend and every work night. I've tried to make friends but I constantly get burned. I'm working on finding healthy friendships but it is hard.

I have had roommates before but a lot of times it is exhausting for me to have a roommate. It's a lot for me to keep up with. I need my quiet and if I have a roommate who can't understand that then I end up being overstimulated all the time and become a wreck.

This post really got away from me... but I think it's all things that I needed to say and get out... so I'll just leave it alone. If anyone read this entire post then mad props to you. Thanks for reading!