That used to be my philosophy. I have realized that... I have drifted from that philosophy more than I could have expected. I drifted last year because I realized no matter how hard I worked there was no reward of a break... or congratulations.. or anything and I was too drained to keep working so hard. so, now. i still do that. don't believe in working hard because of the lack of a reward. and i used to accept small awards, but now i that isn't enough for me. i guess i am just being ungrateful. or. i have realized that even if i don't work hard i will still get those rewards because they are natural occurrences. hm. i used to be different. and. people get mad when you say "i miss how i used to be" but. i don't mean it in any other way than i miss how i used to be determined. i have changed for the worst, not for the better. i have changed and i am not happy. i need more of my reflection time back. and to be around less negativity. i have so much positive energy but it's locked away, unfortunately.
i know what i have to do to succeed. so i do that and i do that to the best of my ability. i need to stop yelling at myself... and just trust me. because i know what i'm doing. i know me and i know what i have to do!
after my first tutorial board i realize that hard work does pay off and i am damn good at working hard. i put long hours into that proposal and everyone noticed and complimented how much work was in it. that made me feel great! I am so happy for myself. :) I know I can do it now, again.
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